I wonder why I don’t lose weight…

This is the reason:

I eat too many of these when they are around the office and right now, they are everywhere. It would be okay if I ate just one or two. The problem is that I can’t stop at just one or two. Instead I grab one or two everything I walk past the candy bowl, which could be four or five times a day. It’s like the bowl and the candy bars have a sweet, little, evil voice calling my name and seducing me with there yumminess. It can’t be something like this calling for me:

(http://simplypurelyhealthy.wordpress.com/category/super-dooper-foods/)

While I was looking for a picture to attach to this post, I found this:

Maybe this is the book I need to be reading to break my desire for sweets. Sigh… someday.

A co-worker talked me into signing up for this CrossFit event on Saturday.

31 Heroes 2013 – August 3, 2013 at a Crossfit Affiliate Near You.
“31 Heroes”
AMRAP 31 minutes (As Many Reps As Possible)
8 Thrusters (155/105#)
6 Rope Climbs (15 ft. ascent)
11 Box Jumps (30/24″)
This is a Partner WOD – Partner #1 will perform the work listed above. Partner #2 will run 400m with a sandbag (45/25). Once Partner #2 returns from the run, Partner #1 will grab the sandbag and begin their 400m, while Partner #2 continues work wherever #1 left off.

I am a little uncertain about what it will look like and how much I will be able to complete, but what have I got to lose by trying? Maybe a quarter inch off my ass. 🙂

Here is the purpose of this WOD: 31 Hero’s WOD
This WOD was created specifically to honor the 30 men and one dog that gave their lives for our country on August 6, 2011. It is 31 minutes long—one minute in remembrance of each hero. The rep scheme is 8-6-11—the date of their ultimate sacrifice. Finally, this is a partner WOD. The men who gave their lives were from multiple branches of our military, working together as a team. In the workout you and your team member will constantly be taking the load from each other providing much needed support and relief. We realize that no physical sacrifice made during a workout can come close to the sacrifice our brave heroes made, but we consider this WOD a CrossFitters “moment of silence.” This is how we can honor those that gave all in the name of freedom.

Wish me luck!

The results are in…

I did it!! I was able to lower my cholesterol level enough so my doctor didn’t insist on me starting meds. I was so relieved! I will also admit I am proud of myself. I know I did make small changes with my diet and lifestyle and those small changes added up enough to make an impact on my health in a positive way. Yeah for me!!! I met with my nutritionist today and she helped me see that I can make a difference without having to be so black and white or good verses bad. It was reassuring to be reminded and now I have the proof that I don’t have to have all or nothing thinking. Little changes are possible and manageable.

For the past couple months so much of my focus has been around eating the foods I needed to so I could bring my cholesterol down. Now I feel like I am in a better place and can start to focus more on the weight loss aspect of moving towards a healthier me. I may have been eating better foods but I wasn’t as aware of the serving size as I needed to be. So my goal for the next week is to track everything I put in my mouth. By everything, I mean everything: the tootsie roll I had before lunch, after lunch, and before I left for the day will be tracked. I need to work on changing my mentality around tracking. I play the game if of, “If I don’t write it down it didn’t count!” or ‘If I have to track it, I won’t eat it.” Well, let’s just say this… Mrs. K and I had this meal for dinner the other night:

Not the healthiest meal at all (I know! I know!) but we chose to go there and have dinner. I would not want to track this, but from here on I will and you know what? I am okay with having a super huge splurge like this once every 6 months.

So my motivation to keep honest and actually do my tracker is the deal I made with my nutritionist and PIMA. For every meal over the next week that I do not track, I get to do 5 burpees. That alone is enough motivation! I haven’t tracked any food since last Saturday, so if I would have had this rule in place, I would have had to have done 75 burpees today during my PIMA workout!

Time has come…

This morning I woke up and was in desperate need of my morning coffee! Little Miss Sunshine will be the first to tell you that I am GRUMPY when I don’t have my coffee. Laying in bed waiting for my alarm to go off, I could smell the wonderful brewing scent of heaven that fits in a cup. Then I realized, damn, I can’t have any! You see, last night I went to bed hungry because I had to prepare for my morning fasting lab, and I had to stay that way until after my visit to the vampires. Hungry and thirsty are not the way to start any day.

After three months of trying to live a healthier lifestyle today will be the day to really see if I have done enough to avoid having to take medication for my high cholesterol levels. When looking back over the last three months I know these things:
1. I have not avoided all fat or unhealthy foods
2. I did not exercise every day
3. I drank alcohol
4. I I did not track my food 100%
5. I did not lose weight

Of course it is easy for me to list off the things I did not do in a negative way, but let me identify the healthy things I have done too!
1. I have increased my exercise and pushed myself to new limits
2. Overall my eating has drastically improved
3. I keep fighting for the healthier way of life
4. I am now drinking spinach for breakfast (I think I deserve credit for that!)
5. I have remained healthy with my approach and have not falling back to harmful ways of achieving weight loss

Mid afternoon I was able to review my lab results. Now I am not a doctor (although I like to think I know everything after I’ve read WebMD!), but from what I saw my numbers have come down slightly. When I first saw the results I felt guilty and a little ashamed.

I starting thinking:  “I didn’t do enough! I didn’t work hard enough, try hard enough, or care enough. I wasn’t 100% committed, I didn’t eat clean, paleo or low carb for the whole 90 days.” I thought, ” I deserved this, I was weak and a failure and I let myself down. Now I remain unhealthy, still fat, and now will need medication.” I let myself down, Mrs. K down and worst of all I let Little Miss Sunshine down because I am not a “healthy” mother for her.

Isn’t it amazing how quickly my mind can turn on me. I immediately went to all the horrible things and the things I “should” have done in less than 60 seconds! So I did the best thing I could, I texted Mrs. K knowing she would be able to help me put things in perspective and she did. She reminded me: a. I am not a doctor so stop trying to read my own results, b. we are looking for a downward trend, not a cliff dive, c. I have made healthy changes!

Thank you, Love!

I see the doctor tomorrow morning at 11:15. I hope he will agree to give me three more months and continue to watch the numbers trend downward.

On a side note, I have been watching the CrossFit Games on TV. Holy Cow! Those athletes are amazing! If you have any interest in seeing what CrossFit is all about take a look and be sure to watch the videos of 60+ year old women demonstrating such amazing strength and agility. They are strong, powerful, beautiful women displaying their ability and also their desire to be healthy and not limited to the image of what a grandma “should” look like. They are an inspiration. CrossFit isn’t just for elite athletes, but it is about health and fitness at any age.

Women’s Master’s CrossFit Games

I will never have a body like Angelina Jolie, but I can only hope to have the strength like these women at any age!

This big girl can’t jump…. yet!!

I better type this message now because I have a feeling I won’t be able to move my arms much longer. If you have a hard work out everyone says the second day after the workout will be the worst, the day you are in the most pain. If day two is the worst and I am only on 4 hours, I am really in trouble!! I am guessing you have already guessed today was a CrossFit day.

The WOD was completely strength based. We did squats, lifts, jumps. The first type of jump was knees to toes. It is exactly what it sounds like. As I squatted on the floor and got into my knees position I couldn’t think of anything but the appropriateness of the position. I was down on the floor on my knees and decided I should say a prayer. Big girls can’t jump! The skinny little bean pole next to me was like a grasshopper jumping up and down. I, on the other hand, was like a hippo trying to move. Impossible task.
I attempted the jump several times and thought my kneecaps would break into a million little pieces as all 220 pounds of me landed back on my knees instead of my feet. Sigh… Then the teenager and skinny little beanpole started encouraging me to do it and said I almost had it and keep going. By the end, I did one. 🙂

At the beginning of the workout a teenager in the class was trying to do the rope climb. She kept telling our coach she couldn’t do it. But our coach basically told her to shut up, stop telling herself the negative thoughts and just get it done. And you know what, she did it!!! It was so Awesome to watch. She put one foot on top of the other and climbed the rope! She was amazingly brave. I decided I wanted to try too. Of course my negative thoughts were saying, “Come on really! Your fat ass isn’t getting anywhere close to the top of that rope.” But you see, that is what I love about CrossFit. The teenager that couldn’t do it earlier and didn’t believe in herself stayed after class to try and help me get it done. I didn’t get up the rope, I barely got off the floor, but I tried. And next time I go, I will try again. Some day I will get to the top of the rope and I might cry. But someday. For today, I worked on the footwork and I may work on the footwork for another two years, but one day I will do it!

I leave CrossFit and I feel strong, powerful, and capable.

Here are my stats. As you can see I made up on my sleep. I know it shows my exercise as only 28 minutes, but I wonder how it reads when I am lifting. It doesn’t show any vigorous exercise, but trying to go up the rope and also falling on my knees multiple time sure as hell felt like it should be in the vigorous category!! I didn’t meet any of my goals today except sleep, so tomorrow I will have to walk more and eat more, and burn more!!

Is it bed time yet?

Today has been a really long day!!! Last night I went to bed around 11:30pm and at 12:45am I got called by work and ended up having to go in. So I basically got 42 minutes of sleep. I worked from 3am until I was ale to leave around noon. This was me by the time I left:

Thankfully since I work at the hospital, no one was disturbed by the drool hanging from my mouth!
Fortunately I was able to come home and take a couple hour nap with our babies.

Hopefully that will be my last overnight for a long time! Before I went unconscious I checked my body media and this is what it said:

Because I got called in short notice I didn’t have time to pack a breakfast. Around 7am ended up walking to the bagel shop across the street from the hospital and got an egg bagel and a coffee. (Yes, that walk probably counted for 75% of my steps today!) I needed caffeine!! In the past when I have allowed myself to get so tired and hungry it leads to a binge, but today I managed to stay pretty close to plan. I come home from work and instead of going right to bed, I did take time to have lunch. I made a Lean Cuisine pizza and had fruit with it. Quick and easy and NOT McDonald’s drive thru!

When I got up from my nap I decided to try a recipe I found on Pinterest during my overnight time. (Hey I needed something to do while the patients were sleeping and calm!) I made an avocado and cucumber salad with grilled chicken. It was so yummy and Mrs. K even liked it! I will definitely make it again.

Avocado and cucumber salad

And now it is time to go to bed! I am looking forward to an uninterrupted night of sleep! My boss was very kind and took my call for me tonight so I could sleep. Thanks you boss lady! Tomorrow will be a new day and I am going to CrossFit tomorrow since I missed my workout today. 😦

Here’s my last upload before I head to bed. Sweet dreams everyone!

Road trip

My Body Media report for the day:

When I uploaded this data I was 38 calories shy of my target calorie burn for the day and 408 steps short but I am confident I will reach my goals while I am getting ready for bed! Between taking care of the three dogs and getting my stuff ready for tomorrow, I am sure I will walk the extra 400 steps, even if that means I have to go up and down the stairs several times for the steps to accumulate and as a way to burn 38 more calories! 🙂

Today wasn’t the healthiest eating day but once again, I am striving for progress not perfection. I spent the majority of my day driving: 3 hours to a meeting, 3 hours at a meeting and then 3 hours driving home. My work meeting included lunch (and the drive includes 2 stops at Starbucks). I opted for a healthier option on the menu but not as healthy as it would have been if I had packed it myself.

My lovely wife and I had to run errands when I got home, so we decided to have dinner while we were out. Before we left the house we took our three babies for a walk. They were so happy and they are so cute when they get so excited about a walk.

At dinner I opted for a healthier dish, but again, not as healthy as it would have been at home. Mrs. K is so wonderful she also opted for a healthier option so I wouldn’t be as tempted to cheat!! Since we were out we decided to walk the outdoor mall by our resturant so I could get some more movement in my day instead of a whole day of sitting. During our walk I was thinking about how nice is was to just be outside and walking. It seems so silly but sometimes I forget that I don’t need to pay a lot of money or go to a fancy gym to get a workout! Not only was it a nice walk, but the company with Mrs. K was the highlight of my day and the steps a bonus!

Picture curtesy of http://www.123rf.com

Golf and Double Unders!

I know I have been delinquent in my posting but I promise to get better!! The past two weeks have been INSANE! We were out of town and had a fabulous time!!

We played a lot of golf and had an amazing time even if my ball did land in some not so great spots!!

Between golf, we found time to really relax in the natural hot springs!

When we came home I immediately went back to work for the 1st day of a huge major project at work. I work in a hospital and we changed our whole electronic medical record system. Change is hard! Our new system has kept me very busy to say the least but I am happy to report we are now in week 2 since go-live and things are calming down.

So time to get back on track and focus on my health.

I found this quote on a friend’s Facebook page. I don’t know to whom I can credit it, but I love it! I now have this as my screen saver on my phone. It seems so simple and it is so true. So I keep reminding myself no one is standing in the way of my success but me.

To start with, instead of posting my body media on a separate page I am going to do it by date. So here ya go:

Every post I will try to report on one thing I am really proud of myself for. This time it is double unders!! A double under is a jump rope move at CrossFit. To complete. Double under you have to swing rope under your feet twice in one jump. It’s hard.

When we started the work out my goal for the day was to do one. All I wanted was one successful double under! I got 18!! I think I left the gym feeling like Little Miss Sunshine on Christmas morning!!! I was so happy and proud of myself!!

Vacation

Mrs. K’s birthday is tomorrow. She might divorce me if I tell you all how old she is (go figure I can put my weight on here for all to read about but not her age!). For her birthday we decided to take a little 3 day trip. We left last night after work and our first stop was the casino!

I am more of a blackjack player, but I haven’t had much luck! Our evening started with a buffet and luckily nothing looked all that great so I stayed pretty safe. This morning was another story. Breakfast buffets are my favorite thing! I didn’t make the healthiest choice but I didn’t over indulge and stopped when I was full. We are playing a little more and then we will move on to our next destination.

We both love to golf, so we are going to a mountain town with great golf and hot springs! I am super excited bout the hot springs! We were there last year when I herniated a disc in my neck (no good story to go with the injury, I simply woke up and turned my head!). I remember the pain I was in but the hot springs felt so good it made it a little more bearable that first day so I am looking forward to enjoying the springs without the pain! We are hoping to golf at least 9 holes today and 18 on Thursday and Friday.

Happy Birthday my love!!

This week I made 2 different green smoothie drinks. The first day I used a banana, PB2, cinnamon, spinach, fresh strawberries and milk. I also added ice.

The texture was a little watery and still a little grainy but the taste was yummy!

The second day I made my smoothie with frozen strawberries, milk, cinnamon, spinach, PB2, and equal. It was yummy and the texture was much better!!

I had Little Miss Sunshine taste it and needless to say, her reaction was a definite indication that she did not like it!! I think the color is what turned her off, so I’ll have to work on that!

We all have to start somewhere…

http://www.empowernetwork.com/alaska303/blog/challenge-accepted/

30 Day Challenge

Several months ago I signed for a daily email from Everyday Health.  Yesterday the featured article was titled: Make Little Changes for Big Weight Loss.  http://www.everydayhealth.com/forums/weight-loss-community-updates/topic/make-little-changes-for-big-weight-loss.html 

I read through the list and found myself thinking I could make the little changes listed.  Here is the list:

 1. Eat protein at breakfast– like eggs! Protein keeps you fuller longer than that bagel or blueberry muffin. You’ll be less likely to eat more later on.

2. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies… skip the canned version for a healthier choice.

3. Park your car far away so you’ll walk more steps and burn more calories (or walk instead of drive!)

4. Switch to 100% whole grains… who needs white bread when you have so many whole grain options?

5. Get more fiber. It also keeps you fuller and helps with digestion.

6. Drink at least 8 classes of water. You’ll eat less and feel better.

7. No more soda and sugary fruit juice… and that’s final!

8. Drink light beer instead of regular beer, choose a low cal cocktail made with club soda over the ones made with soda & fruit juice, limit your wine portions.

9. Don’t eat in front of the TV. You’ll be more likely to eat mindlessly.

10. Cook with heart healthy olive oil not butter or other fats.

11. Start with soup or salad– you’ll eat less of your entrée.

12. Keep a little dark chocolate on hand to satisfy your sweet tooth– so you won’t dig into that pint of ice cream.

13. No more fast food. No excuses.

14. That goes for processed foods too!

15. Add strength training to your exercise regimen. More muscle=more calories burned all day long.

16. Use a pedometer, try to walk more steps every day!

17. Log your calories in the food and fitness journal to stay accountable. http://www.everydayhealth.com/food-fitness/journal

18. Put your workouts on your calendar. you’ll be more likely to do them.

19. Choose skim, soy, almond, or rice milk over full fat milk and cream.

20. Move more– take the stairs, do squats while you’re watching TV, stand at your desk, do toe raises while you brush your teeth.

21. Plan active outdoor activities instead of watching TV or seeing a movie.

22. Skip the sugar in your coffee or cereal.

23. Snack smart– choose fruit, low fat yogurt, nuts, or veggies and hummus to stay satisfied.

24. Take a walk after dinner.

25. Order salad dressing on the side and add a little bit on your fork when you want some flavor.

26. Chew minty gum to ward off cravings.

27. If you go out to dinner, choose a cocktail or dessert, but not both.

28. Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Being tired makes you more likely to eat more.

29. Flavor your food with spices and herbs instead of salt and sugar.

30. Bring your own lunch. You’ll know exactly what’s in it!

Several of these things I already try to do but there is definitely room for improvement.  As children we probably all played the alphabet picnic game: first person brings an apple, 2nd person brings an apple and bat. 3rd person brings an apple, bat and cat, etc… For the next 60 days I will do one of these challenges for 2 days and then I will add a new one.   I may have to rework the order but I will do all of them. 

The two that are going to be the hardest are of course the ones that require a major eating change: 100% whole grain and no processed foods.  I should dedicate a couple of months to accomplishing both of them! Everyone has to start somewhere. 

Hard Choices

The other day my sister asked me to try out our Ninja blender and see if it would liquify raw veggies to make a green smoothie.  I use kale, broccoli, an apple and water.  The Ninja actually worked really well, but the smoothie was really grainy. I am sure the kale had something to do with that.

  

With great apprehension, I tasted this little mixture and was surprised to find it wasn’t really all that bad. I am not sure I could drink the whole glass because of the texture, but maybe somehow I could come up with a healthier option that isn’t so grainy.  This is probably more of what I “should” be eating.

The night I made this green monster, Mrs. K and I had a wonderful date night. We went out for an amazing dinner and then we hit another restaurant for desert.  This is where I really struggle.  I know people who are not foodies don’t necessarily understand this, but for me having a nice dinner out and being able to enjoy great food and desert is a quality of life issue.  Or at least it feels like that to me.  You could argue the quality of life issue is more long-term and is enjoying desert now providing a better quality of life that not having to take medicine 10 years from now?  What is better.  The easy answer is of course not having to take meds.  That is where things get all mixed up in my little brain.  That evening I had a choice. I could drink the green monster I made as a test for my sister, or Mrs. K and I could finish the piece of cheesecake we got for dessert. 

 

I chose the cheesecake.  I guess if I am looking at progress not perfection I should take into account that prior to wanting to create a healthier me, I would have eaten this whole piece myself and would never have considered sharing.  Now, I realize even I can not eat a huge piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.  Once again… We all have to start somewhere and my progress may not look like your progress, but for me I consider that a little victory.  Maybe next time I will choose to drink the green monster.

 CrossFit

I have continued to go to CrossFit and I STILL (which is really surprising) love it! As I have said many times before my confidence and belief in my own strength and abilities is my biggest downfall.  I have to admit the other day  I was really proud of myself.  On Saturday the WOD included using Atlas balls.  An Atlas ball is a big concrete ball, no foam around it to make it soft and not handles to grab on… it is just a concrete ball.  Part of the WOD was to do a dead lift with the ball and then move the ball to your shoulders (sorry to all the CrossFitters out there, I just can’t remember the proper term to describe this exercise!).  The Atlas ball I was using was 65 pounds. Our Coach was teaching us this movement and of course I went right to the place of, “I CAN NOT do that!!” Instead of allowing myself to listen to the negative voice, I was able to remind myself that I am strong and the only thing standing in my way of trying hard things is myself.  I decided to give it a try and you know what, I did it!  🙂 It took me a while and I didn’t finish as much of the WOD as the others in the class, but I did do 10 reps with the Atlas ball: floor to shoulders!  To say I was excited that I was able to do it is a huge understatement.  It was the reassurance I needed to boost my confidence and remind myself I am strong and I can do things if I set my mind to it.  🙂  

Do you swear to tell the truth…???

bates-communications.com

Mrs. K and I had a civil union ceremony in May, although we were married in our church in 2011.  (Yippeee for us!) Now that civil unions are legal in our state we are allowed to change our names and this week we got our new SS cards.  We needed to wait until we got our SS cards before we could go to the DMV to change our names on our drivers licenses.  So today was the day we went to the DMV.  I could go on and on about the interesting observations I made while we were waiting, but  I will stay on task!  During the time we were waiting, I looked at Mrs. K and asked her how much would be acceptable to fudge my weight? Would 10 pounds be acceptable? Would 20 pounds be acceptable? Could I keep my weight at what my current license says? We started laughing so hard about what would be acceptable we were both crying! Normally you have to sign a form that says you swear and affirm all the information you reported was accurate.  Well, I decided I would swear and affirm that I would do my best to get to the reported weight! I know it is not funny, but seriously who the hell tells the truth about their weight on their drivers license?  It’s not like someone is going to look at me and look at the weight reported on my license and say, “Wait! That isn’t Mrs. C! She really weights 35 pounds over what her license says!” or “Arrest her! She lied about her weight!!”  After nearly 2.5 hours of waiting, we were finally called to the window to complete the process.  As predicted the lady at the counter (I could write a whole post about her!) asked me for my weight, I lied! I lied by 35 pounds! And she then subtracted another 2! So my drivers license will say I weigh 183 pounds.  Now, I just have a goal to work toward, after all, at some point in time I will weigh 183!  🙂

Last week I spent quite a bit of time thinking about my body, my body shape and the curves I have and will always have regardless of how much weight I lose.  Mrs. K loves my curves and tells me I look sexy and beautiful when I show off my curves instead of hiding them in big baggy pants and shirts.  She tells me when I dress in big clothes it makes me look bigger, basically accomplishing the exact opposite of what I intend to.   I realize at this time I have a very distorted body image.  I look in the mirror and see a really fat face, fat arms, fat legs, hug hips, butt, thighs, etc…. Granted I am not a size 6, I am a size 16, so my body parts are larger than others’, but sometimes even I can realize I see myself as a size 44, not a size 16.  I decided to take a risk and wear a form fitted dress to work. I bought the dress and have worn it to church before, but never for an extended period of time in a work environment.   Of course, I had to wear a wrap, but at least it was a start.  When I first arrived at work I felt very self conscious and unsure of my decision, but soon grew more comfortable and stopped thinking everyone was looking at me funny and thinking, “Girl, you need to cover that shit up!”  Here’s a picture:

 

I have struggled with my food choices and also getting to CrossFit this week. I was fully aware of what I was doing and made some choices to not eat the healthiest things.  I can’t un-do the meals I ate (unless of course I go back to my bulimia, but I am not willing to go that far) but I can continue to work toward creating more healthy, satisfying meals on a regular basis.  I am not considering the whole week a failure, but an opportunity to learn more about myself and what this lifelong process will involve.

 

What I learned about my work out schedule  is that I must go in the morning.  Today I thought I would go after work and signed up for a WOD but I had a last minute meeting added to my schedule, so I wasn’t able to make it.  I know work is changing and the amount of time I am required to spend at work is increasing. It is not realistic for me to plan to go to the gym after work, it is too easy to get distracted, busy or just plain become too tired.  5:30 a.m.  it is for me from now on!